Macho Chef: Rites of passage

The whole Chef family went out to one of the local Christmas tree farms up in the hills above Frenchville.

As they've grown older, my sons have been trying to do more and more of this yearly Christmas chore, which wouldn't bother me except I know that when they head off to college I will be left to do the whole dang thing, and by then all my youthful vigor will have been sucked dry by the trials and tribulations of parenthood.

When that day comes, we might have to purchase future trees from Labbe's Farm based on their overall weight, rather than height.

Still, I couldn't help but gawk at the site of a thirteen-year old and a twelve-year old arguing over who would carry the eight foot tree to the car. It was an intense discussion, with serious looks and undertones of outrage and indignation. The oldest won, and he wouldn't accept any help from anyone. He reached through the branches and hauled it to the car, dragging the green boughs through the mud just a little.

Once we had the tree home, the youngest declared he would carry it in, which, as I watched the mass of pine weaving and careening across the driveway, reminded me more of an intoxicated dwarf trying to wrestle a long-haired Scottish cow into the living room than a young son trying to step up to the demands of manhood.

Still, I shouldn't complain.

There is no telling what Rites of Passage exist in the mind of your children. Sometimes they are the obvious ones such as a father teaching his son to shave or a girl taking her first turn at the wheel of the tractor. Some have ceremonies, such as Confirmation or high school graduation. Other times they are not so obvious.

I remember certain turning points when I was growing up, events and circumstances that I would later reminisce about and realize they had a tremendous impact upon the man I would eventually become. None of those moments had any sort of solemn event to mark the day. As my children move into adolescence, there is a part of me that knows I have a karmic debt to pay because of some of those boneheaded stunts I pulled which my parents had to accept as part of the process of becoming a wholesome contributing member of society.

There ought to be a certificate to mark the first time one of my sons calls me from the police station. Maybe I could receive a little pin to attach to my tie to highlight the day I follow the tow truck out to the potato field where we will one day recover Mrs. Chef's car which she had graciously loaned to our son for a date with a girl on some future weekend. A small group of singers should one day sing a hymn as I write out the check to replace the windshield of my new car because he cracked it while practicing donuts in the local quarry.

There should be something more than the small voice sarcastically whispering in the back of my mind, "Wow, nobody told me about these days when we decided to have a baby."

I remember those moments in my life, and truth be told, my sons have yet to really throw a serious adolescent curve ball at myself and Mrs. Chef. But as I watched my sons take turns to stagger beneath the weight of that Christmas Tree, angrily refusing to accept any help, even when they knocked out the overhead light in the living room when they finally stood the tree up, I had to smile in satisfaction knowing that at some time in the future they would remember this moment as a time they took a step towards adulthood. For them, it was a kind of Rite of Passage, but I would always remember it as the year I didn't pull my back out trying to set up the tree.

Southern Style Chinese Pie

WHAT YOU NEED

1 1/2 pounds ground beef

1 onion, finely chopped

3 cloves of garlic, chopped

1/2 teaspoon of salt

pepper to taste

1 can diced tomatoes

1 package taco seasoning mix

3/4 cup hot water

1 can whole kernel corn, drained

1 package corn muffin mix

WHAT YOU DO

1. Set the oven to 400 degrees F. Grease a 9x13 inch baking dish.

2. Brown the beef and onion in a skillet. Drain grease. Toss in the garlic, salt, pepper and tomatoes. Cook 5 minutes. Add taco seasoning and water. Let simmer for 5 minutes, until thickened. Put it into the baking dish, and spread the corn on top.

3. Prepare the muffin batter according to the package directions. Spread it evenly over the corn in the baking dish.  Bake 20 minutes. Serve with cheese, sour cream, olives and salsa.